mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
