I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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