Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
