I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
