I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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