you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
