You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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