we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
