i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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