At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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