it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
