I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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