I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
