At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need water and some morals
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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