My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
