dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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