So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
God, I missed his penis.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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