i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
