I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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