I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
