I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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