: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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