He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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