Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
