I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
