I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
