Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
