Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
did you just send me my own nude
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
