Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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