I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
