Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
