Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
