chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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