I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
