Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
