I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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