if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
