That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
