How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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