Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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