I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
