I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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