I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
