I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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