I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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