I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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