Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
