so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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