Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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