Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
