Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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