I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
