He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
